All that you can really control is how carefully you evaluate your options, so that you feel nothing but good vibes and zero regrets about the people standing up with you at your wedding.
This is how to do it. In fact, depending on your target number of groomsmen, you might find it easiest to make your wedding party a family affair, including only the sibs and close relatives. Who do you actually hang out with today? Follow up question: What did they do to deserve a phone call? Your most active friendships should take priority in populating your wedding party, no matter what your mom says. Give it up! It might be better to keep your wedding party small than climb in the time machine.
Do not ask them to be in your wedding. It also helps if they're super-fun, since they'll be planning the bachelor and bachelorette parties.
Consider this: If your best friend isn't always the most dependable person, it's perfectly okay to have two best men or maids of honor. Pick your unpredictable BFF and another friend you can rely on for the big, important duties. Weddings are no time for quid pro quo. You don't need to ask someone to be in your wedding because they asked you to be in their wedding. Don't ask the college roommate you haven't spoken to in five years just to return the favor.
If they want to talk to you about why they aren't in your wedding, be completely honest. Explain that it was a tough decision but you really felt like you should have the people you feel closest to at this point in your life standing up for you, and there are so many of those people including him or her that you had to leave out some very special ones.
You might need ushers to lead the guests to their seats at the ceremony, plus a few people to light candles and distribute programs. But there are a lot of other options as well. Maybe you have a musically inclined friend who would love to play something at the reception.
Or what about that friend who is an amazing writer? Have them pen a poem or meaningful essay to share at your ceremony. Think twice before offering your friends obscure, not-so-needed positions, like guest book attendant. Would you want to do that? Most people would be happier with a VIP corsage and a reserved seat at the ceremony. Find a comprehensive list of additional wedding party duties your loved ones can help with, here.
And if you have many children you want to include, feel free. Have three little flower girls instead of one and give them each their own basket of flower petals boys might enjoy throwing flower petals too! Or have your two little ones walk down the aisle as pages.
They can bear the ring, hold a keepsake or carry a "Here Comes the Bride" sign. Having an adults-only wedding? You can still have kids play their roles at the ceremony and not allow them at the reception. If you do that, consider setting up a room for kids with a babysitter during the reception and have some fun foods and activities planned. Main Menu.
Sign Up. Back to Main Menu. Planning Tools. Wedding Vision. Discover Your Vision. Take The Knot's Style Quiz. That, coupled with: how many best men can I have? The number of groomsmen you can have in your wedding is… any amount that you want! Ha, I know you were probably expecting a specific answer. But really, as a general rule of thumb, the best number of groomsmen tends to coincide with the number of bridesmaids on the opposite side.
Do you have to choose the same number of groomsmen and bridesmaids? No, but it seems to work best in photos when you do. But you should consider that many years after your wedding, you might regret leaving them out. LaBrot: I was a groomslady in a wedding last year, and I had two bridesmen in my wedding party.
Everybody was pretty cool with it. The only issue was that for some reason, people thought I was going to wear a suit. That goes for siblings as well. In my own wedding, my wife and I each had people of the opposite gender in our parties, and there was no real reaction at all from my family.
LaBrot: No, the wedding is for you and your partner, and you should be true to yourselves.
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