I began to make little compromises that started to erode the foundation of my life. I began to cut anchors from my life. The most important anchor that I started cutting was my daily devotion to God. I just got so busy. The next anchor I cut from my life was the importance of my family. I was not there for my family because I was out saving the world.
The final anchor was staying connected and serving in a local church. It is through the local church that we are equipped, empowered, and released. The church grounds us, and we need to rub shoulders with the local believers. I hid what was happening to me from the band members. I put on a mask. Eventually, I told the band what was happening to me. My wife was leaving me. You need to find your way back to God. After eighteen years with the Newsboys, my sense of worth was in my ministry.
My wife left and took the kids back to Australia, and my marriage was over. The kingdom of John James was going down. I turned to alcohol to escape.
I wanted to forget my broken marriage and ministry. One day I woke up in my mansion in Nashville, wearing my own vomit. I called my drug supplier and asked to borrow a handgun. As I was lying on my sofa, I felt so hopeless with a loaded gun and ready to take my life. You failed your wife, your family and your ministry. Pickup that gun and blow your brains out because that is all you are good for.
Remember your dad? You are just like your dad. It was my ex-wife calling from the other side of the world. I finally picked up the phone and said.
And now she's seeing us starting to drift apart. I was starting to become very isolated. You're surrounded by thousands of people but you're really lonely and you become very insular and very isolated and it really started to take its toll. Our marriage began to spiral downhill, dramatically. Slowly at first but then as time went by it began to go faster and faster and faster.
It was at this point that John began to take solace in alcohol. We concerted HARD. We toured HARD. But I also played hard. And for me alcohol was an escape. Obviously it wasn't something that was public knowledge.
I justified it as it helped me to process and deal with the pressure. Now whether that was a crutch or not, I think after a while it became the dependency, where I needed that constantly. And eventually it really started to take a grip in my heart and my life to the point where the alcohol was a serious problem. It's amazing how you can be in front of so many people but we do such a great job of hiding what's really going on.
We become masters of hiding the truth. Because we have an image to uphold. We spent hundreds of thousands of dollars creating this allure, this perception of perfection. And the last thing we want people to know is that we're actually just real people who deal with real problems. He continued, "But we found ourselves thrust into this position because we're 'pop stars'. You never see people who are plumbers or gardeners or accountants.
It's a crazy, crazy lifestyle. But I did a fantastic job of hiding that and masking that. It's almost like you become very sneaky. You don't mean it to happen, it's a gradual process, but eventually you have to come to the realisation that you have an addiction. A real addiction. And yeah it really took its toll on my life and my marriage. I got to a place that at one stage where I was drinking a carton or two of alcohol a day.
That's a lot! I got to a stage where in the mornings for breakfast I'd have two six-packs! So by lunchtime I was just totally intoxicated. And this went on every day. This obviously began to take its toll on life in the band.
Did he ever go on stage whilst drunk? As terrible as it sounds and actually I'm ashamed of that, I did, yes. Nobody would have guessed. You can be surrounded by so many people but you're still very protected. I think it got to the point where it was becoming such a problem and my marriage was really starting to fall apart so I confided in the band about how severe it was.
They were totally blown away. Especially Peter. I remember the night we were in the studio recording some vocals. I confided in Pete and started to open up, telling some of the stuff that was going on in my marriage. And he was just blown away. I don't think he really understood how he could deal with that. It was pretty devastating for the band because they didn't know how to deal with it either. Your transparency in the struggles you have faced will help other people.
Praise God, that He rescues us and is always there for us. But its no surprise as to his downfall. Wealth and fame bring temptations that no normal man or woman could resist. One could find many skeletons in the closets of every Christian celebrity, musical, or non. But I dont place all the blame on the celebrity.
I place much of the blame on us, the Christians who so idolize our 'own' celebrities. WE have turned them into gods. If you observe the typical crowd at a big Christian concert, what you are seeing is worship. Not of God, but of the performers on stage. I see no difference between the adoration the crowd displays at a major rock concert, and how the crowd behaves at a major Christian concert.
And that includes the supposed 'praise and worship' bands and concerts. Go to a Jesus Culture show, and you will see the same celebrity worship as you would at any secular concert. I'm so sorry to hear about his struggles, but so glad we have a Lord and Savior like Jesus, that loves us enough to save us from ourselves. I am so glad that John embraced the forgivness our Lord gives. I wish I could hug his neck untill his face turned red! But for now, I'll wait untill I see him in heaven.
Best I have ever read. Thank you! May the very breath of the Holy Spirit blow through you a brand new, fresh anointing upon your life and upon your marriage. Proverbs for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes. God is so good! This is exactly what everyone needs to hear because none of us are perfect, we all have issues. I feel that the Church as a whole pushes people away because we "act" like we have it all together when in reality we don't.
Thank you for sharing your testimony and being honest! I pray that I am not one of them and will not become one. Lord, for the good of your church, remove the fear that keeps people from being real and transparent Christians.
I was inspired! I hope God uses your talent once again. Add your comment We welcome your opinions but libellous and abusive comments are not allowed. When James' resignation was announced, however, the real reason was not given, instead, James claimed he wanted to pursue a career in preaching. James has since recovered, though, and he is currently a preacher in Australia. On October 4, , James appeared before the band at Calvary Assembly to speak about how his career was changed.
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